You know, I knew that this move to Arizona was going to be mentally/emotionally challenging...considering WHO I was with when I lived here. But honestly, there isn't a way to prepare yourself for the memories that will always be haunting you. Every time I walk into a store that SHE used to shop at, or drive by a street where SHE used to live, it becomes harder and harder to rise above the dark gloominess of the past and face the dark gloominess of reality. It's hard to be in a different mindset from when I was fourteen years old...because inside I still feel the same.
The only difference is I'm working a much more fulfilling job and I have more responsibilities. I'm still the same girl inside who never got the answers from her dad that she was looking for, and still hasn't fully found the truth. I have only begun to be exposed to real-life, and I'm already fed up! Some say that I just need to 'grow up and get over it', but it's just not that easy. I can walk around and live my life pretending that I hadn't been completely brainwashed for eleven years out of that life, but inevitably it is and always will be burning an imprint in the back of my mind. I can't escape it, and when I try it still haunts me. It's extremely painful and emotionally lonely at times, but I HAVE to get through it! If I don't do it now, I will be the worst co-dependent, self-conscience 40 year old woman known to walk this earth. I am determined to beat this...and when I do, the whole world will know my story. All I want to do is help someone else. Hopefully by helping myself first, I will reach that goal.
No comments:
Post a Comment