Amazing Grace

There are not many days that go by that I don't think about how far I've come. I have, obviously, grown up. I mean, seriously...I going to be 21 next month! That is seriously unbelievable. Also, I have a self-confidence that I never thought was possible. I was always jealous of the girls who felt good about themselves, and now I have that. I am finally happy with who I am. But, the more important thing to remember is where I came from in Christ. He is the reason for both of the reasons that I just mentioned. But to think...I was in a controlling, manipulating cult for eleven years of my life. That's MORE than half of my life. I have learned a lot of things, though most of those things are what NOT to do.
Not to be under the teaching of a controlling woman, and at this point, any woman at all. I have a lot of studying to do in order to become fully aware of everything going on around me. One of the positive things that I have learned is a little bit of who God is. He is not a hateful person up in the sky who will kill me if I don't 'stay out of the world'. On the contrary, God is a loving being who made us. He understands that I sin sometimes, because that's just what humans do, most of the time without even realizing it. And another thought...if I 'stay out of the world', how will I ever tell non-believers about Christ? It was completely twisted, and I am sooooo glad that I am not there anymore!
I went to a church this morning. New churches kinda scare me, since I've only been to one since I left the cult. I am extremely leery about 'spiritual authority' figures, because I don't want to be controlled again. I don't want to be lied to, so in the past, I have had a wall up to whoever is there until I feel that I know the teaching enough to open up. However, I wasn't really given the chance to not open up. The people there were extremely friendly. I don't know how the original church is, because I think it's under construction? So, the service was held in a school. There weren't that many people there, and the atmosphere was very familiar to me. I'm not sure yet if that's a good or bad thing. I was able to talk to a girl my age today, and an older woman. I met the pastor and his wife, and they all seem like very nice people. I will probably go next week, to see if this is a church that I want to be a part of. I guess we'll see what happens!!
I am kinda going all over the place with this post, so apologies are being sent out =) I just have a lot of thought in my little brain, and it's hard to get them all out sometimes...especially if I'm slacking and haven't written in a few days! Lol