Intro to Book? - 6/27/2011

It was a cool June evening, a refreshing break from the 117 degree day we had. And to  think…we’re only a week into summer! My mom, Carl, Bella and I were out in the pool scaling the sky for satellites. After mom and Carl went back into the house to get ready for bed, Bella and I hung out in the pool for a little while. There’s nothing that inspires me to write more than being outside in silence. This time, there was no pool filter, and no birds were singing. It was simple silence.

I started to ‘write’ a paragraph in my head that I thought would sound good in my book. And then I started getting doubts of writing a book altogether. “No one wants to hear my story. Who am I that anybody cares about me and what I’ve been through? It wasn’t really that bad”
But really, the only people who would have given me that feeling are no longer in my life. In fact, they are the reason I am writing this. I realize that I am no one, and that it doesn’t matter if people know me or not. What matters is that people know my story, and why I am who I am today. Not the name Amber Taylor, but the person Amber Taylor. One day, hundreds of people, maybe even thousands of people will know who I am. They will know that I am someone who made it through; sadly, one of the few who beat the odds. I am the one who went through hell time and time again, come out unharmed and share my experience.

I am not writing to get sympathy, and I pray to God that nobody thinks that. I understand that what I went through was my past, and I cannot live in the past. I do not think that I am living in my past; I am moving on. What I went through was, admittedly, not the worst thing that a person can go through. I mean, think about it. There are starving children everywhere (as I was always reminded if I was full before my dinner plate was empty). There are women in physically or sexually abusive relationships, children who have been dropped off simply because their parents ‘don’t want them anymore’. These situations are obviously more traumatizing than living in a cult for 11 years. However, the Bible does say that God will not give us more than we can handle. I believe that each human is constructed differently, therefore we all have different ‘breaking points’. I don’t get as bothered about politics as Carl does, and mom doesn’t get as anal as I do about the forks being put in the silverware drawer the correct way. I think that my cult experience was the most that I could handle, and God knew that. I am not discounting anyone’s past experiences, whatever they may be.