Now I See

When I first realized where I had come from, the idea of being in a cult is just so unbelievable! I lived in a form of denial for quite a long time...just treating the whole experience as if it never happened. The only problem with that it that it was eleven years of my life. I can't just erase eleven years! I had to face it, and that was not easy, as it still isn't. Carol teaches based on the Bible, so many of the things she says are true. That is so hard for me to accept. I don't want anything she says to be true! I want her to be 100% wrong on everything! Reality check: she's not. She is wrong on many things...much more than what she is right on. So when I hear things that she used to say being spoken by other people, it makes me think...was I really in a cult?
The devil tries to make me doubt sooo many times! It's very hard to not doubt, because the thing that I'm doubting was s familiar to me. I lived with this woman and her teachings for over half my life. It's very easy to go back to what she says. If I really wanted to, I could go back to her right now. She would accept me back in a heart beat. That would be so easy! A hell of a lot easier than fighting her. But that would be wrong! I know that she doesn't speak the truth, and I'm willing to pay the price to prove it. It's not easy accepting that I was in a cult...some people think that I'm crazy because of it. I'm not crazy, I'm finally normal! I'm not controlled anymore. Not a lot of people know how absolutely liberating that is! I'm on my way to being a better person, and I know that I've come such a long way.

Dear Lord,
I know I've said this many times, but I don't think I could ever say it enough...thank you! You have brought me so far, and I know that I couldn't have even made it one step without you. Thank you for loving me, and showing me that you will never give up on me. Please, don't ever let me give up on myself again. Give me peace through this storm, and grant me the victory. Carol is wrong! You know what she's doing to your word and your people. I don't wish harm on her...just work through me and whoever else to expose her so that she will stop abusing your people. Please, make her stop! She knows exactly what she's doing, and she keeps on doing it. Don't let her pray anymore curses on people, and show her and her disciples the TRUTH according to YOU not according to CAROL!!!
I love you, and thanks again for loving me!
Amen.